South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
