She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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