my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
