my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
