my mouth tastes like poor choices
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
