Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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