I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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