I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
