If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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