I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
