I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Welp...herpes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
