The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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