She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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