now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
