I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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