I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
