Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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