sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
