So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
