Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
