She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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