I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
