Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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