I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
