I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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