I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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