Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
