ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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