cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
