I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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