Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
