Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
