Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
