I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will be naked everywhere
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
