Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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