Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
