the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
