the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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