Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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