morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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