I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
