I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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