you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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