it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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