just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
