I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
