I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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