"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
please don't ironically join a cult
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