It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
