I CAN MOONWALK!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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