Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
