I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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