Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
