I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
