Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
