first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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