nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
