He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
