just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
