Taylor Swift is so right about you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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