So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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