the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
