Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it penis luge time yet?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
