writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
