Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
