Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
