my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
