Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
