you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
