And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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