Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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