My first STD was from a foam party
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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