I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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