the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize