This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my shit smells like andre
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
