i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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