I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
